Death of a parent

Wow! It finally happened. I now am among many who have experienced the death of a parent. My father took his last breath on Dec. 22, 2009 at 1220, his first breath was November 10, 1926.

He had not been a part of my life from the age of 13 until I gave birth at the age of 25. Really, he was only a part of my life through my children. My brother who had been married for several years prior to me giving birth was childless. He would take my children on the weekends and take them to visit their grandfather. My father would send my children birthday cards and Christmas cards with money tucked inside.

He never really came back into my life until I was 49. He requested to see me and my sister in April of 2004 after undergoing a triple bypass. He made the statement that he "really screwed things up". That is when I told him that he cannot change his past but he can change his future. He asked, "What future?" I replied to him, "The next hour, next day, next month, next year. Nobody knows and it doesn't matter, but you can change it." That is what we did the past five years, we changed our future together.

Many visits and phone calls because I was persistent. He lived a little over an hour away. In the beginning I would drive to his home for a visit of less than 30 minutes, the visits grew longer, up to greater than 2 hours at a time. I would take him dinner that I prepared and take ice cream, one of his favorite sweets, mine too! We would go on Sunday drives. He showed me the house we lived in when I was born, we went to the cemetery where his parents are buried, etc.

About five months ago he started to really decline in his health. He had a defibrillator inserted into his chest. He was sent to a long term care facility to receive therapy to regain his strength in hopes to return back home with his wife of 36 years. He was not cooperative with therapy, refusing his scheduled visits. Finally, last part of November through December 20, 2009 he experienced multiple trips to the ER with some of those visits being admitted to the hospital. His last admission was due to pneumonia, congestive heart failure and a urinary tract infection. He was knocking on heavens door. My brother was making his health care decisions and wanted to direct admit him to Hospice of Dayton. That was being discussed on December 17. Dad did a little rally and my brother explained his options to him. Our father decided that he did not want to be admitted to hospice that he wanted to return to the long term care facility and work with therapy.

He was readmitted to the facility of his residence on Sunday evening Dec 20. On Tuesday, Dec 22 shortly after bantering with the nursing staff, which he enjoyed doing frequently, he was found unresponsive. CPR was performed without success.

I wondered frequently throughout my adult life how I would feel when my father died and now I know. I am content and very blessed for the past five years that we shared getting reacquainted. I do feel like I lost him twice. Once to the only way that he knew how to deal with his hurt from a divorce and second to death. I do know one thing for sure, he and I will meet again in heaven. I know this because I asked him if he had received Christ as his Savior. He was unable to speak it, but he lifted his right hand pointing upward and brought his hand back down to his chest, smiled and shook his head yes. That's all I needed to know and then four days later he left to meet his maker and now awaits my arrival.